Christ, I have not been looking forward to writing about this album. There's a bunch of things to say before the needle even hits the record. Ian Watkins is, without doubt, a truly despicable person; the things he did were so far beyond any notion of human decency that I can't even. I've not listened to this album since before the news broke about his arrest and I doubt I'll ever want to listen to it again after today. When the full details came out after his trial I felt sick. I'd spent so many years listening to his music - the thought that maybe he wasn't such a sick fuck when they recorded this provides no comfort, because there's probably no truth in that idea. I rarely say such things, but I really hope prison is every bit as bad as television makes out it is for him; he deserves a thoroughly horrific time.
I'm reluctant to play this (partly for fear people will hear me and judge me). Like many people, I spent a lot of time in my teenage years listening to LostProphets - we went to see them a bunch of times and the t-shirt I had of theirs was one of my favourites (I remember consciously choosing to wear on my first day at university, a decision I doubly regret now). The Fake Sound of Progress is an album I have fond memories of. It doesn't stand anywhere near the worst things Watkins did, but he has more than tainted those memories. By the time they released the second album, I was getting into other genres and not so interested in the music they were playing. But, for three years, they were a band I liked and I listened to a lot - so much so, I bought this vinyl when it got re-released about two years after the album came out originally.
Here we go, dropping the arm onto the vinyl now. The opening riff used to be the sign of an enjoyable 40 minutes of music, but now I'm just feeling uncomfortable. Watkins' Mike Patton-impersonation used to be enjoyable, but now he just sounds like a nasally, strange man (which barely touches on the names he deserves to be called). I want to write about the nostalgia and the feelings I had back in the day, but it's really difficult.
Needless to say, the turntables haven't aged well, but I think we all knew at the time they wouldn't. As a song we used to throw ourselves around to in the mosh pit, Shinobi Vs. Dragon Ninja (ridiculous title) was huge - the outro that almost brings the song back in but then just stops was great. The title track was categorically a better song, and pretty representative of the rest of the album, longer and more varied than Shinobi. In a lot of ways, I'm feeling entirely disconnected from the music, certainly at a conscious level - I'm trying to listen to it but I don't want to take any enjoyment from it anymore. On the other hand, the riffs and breaks for the choruses just take me right back to all those times we saw them, throwing myself around and having a great time - my heart and head say no, but my body is right back there somehow. Strange.
...And She Told Me To Leave has aged better than I expected, mainly for the guitars in the chorus, and I always liked the layered vocals at the end. Kobrakai was one of the highlights too, the drop-D tuned guitars working their nu-metal magic. The turntablist's throaty vocals throughout The Handsome Life of Swing caught me off-guard back in the day, but now provide a welcome break from the regular vocals. A Thousand Apologies was peak-Faith No More for the band, a connection it'd take me a few years to fully realise.
Have I ruined this album and my memories further by listening to it now? Probably not. I didn't want to listen to it, but my own ridiculous rules for this blog meant I knew I was going to have to at some point. I think I can keep my memories of it separate from my opinions of playing it in 2017. I remember thinking An Ode to Summer was a great song, and there's a very good chance that my opinions on it would have changed by now anyway. It's a shame they've changed in the way they have. I really can't think of any reason why I'd ever play this album again.
Format: 12", picture sleeve
Tracks: 11
Cost: £14 new
Bought: Virgin Megastore, London
When: 07/03/03
Colour: Clear
Etching: none
mp3s: no
